Not from Jack Handy, but true, funny story nonetheless
My grandma woke up early one morning, shuffled into the kitchen and spotted a garter snake underneath her kitchen table. She grabbed her broom and swept the snake out the back door, down the back steps and into the yard. Later in the day, she headed out the back door to hang out some laundry out to dry, when she saw the same garter snake coming back up the steps. She grabbed a hoe from the garage and chopped the snake into pieces. "I gave that snake ONE chance," she later explained.